The coin of spirit
Determinist spirit, Prison of choice
We have got no choice other than to be who we are. Each of us is born attributed with certain amounts of outburst impulsive sentimentality, constricted criticizing rationalism and self awareness, along with their potential boundaries and their mixture.
Someone who is sentimental and naturally acts upon impulses will not all of a sudden be able to change himself into a rationally controlled person, and vice versa. So also, someone who is not actively aware of himself, will not have the caliber of the mind to have awareness to that fact, and will therefore not be able to develop his self-awareness.
In a way, we are all trapped, each in his own unique manner, within an endless vicious circle, the vicious circle of being who we are. It is easy to point a finger at people and criticize. It is easy for us to say that they didn’t succeed because they did not make the right moves. But if we analyze the issue we might discover that actually this “make the rights moves” is simply a projection of being us, or who we would like to believe we could have been had we encountered similar situations.
“I wouldn’t have fallen in love with someone who makes my life miserable…”, “I wouldn’t have made such impulsive business moves…”, “I wouldn’t have been able to live such a hypocritical life of unawareness to who I am…” – but perhaps, I simply wouldn’t have been able to be in anyone else’s shoes and do better.
The vastness of dark corners
I made more than a few mistakes in my life; I have not just once acted impulsively and let my wild mind’s desires flip the coin of my spirit along with the freedom of moral choices. I have suffered many loses. However, I do not believe I could have done better. And why? Because I was who I was and that’s it. I couldn’t have been someone else, even if it would have been wiser, simply because this wisdom was not accessible to me.
After the fact and retrospectively I can see the mistake in it and hope that presently I would have had the strength to do the right thing even if it would have contradicted with my initial impulse, or hope that this impulse wouldn’t have even affected me to begin with, but I still am who I am. It is very easy for life to push me into corners where all my deficiencies erupt and shrink my advantages to a pile of dust and sand. In those moments I am at the mercy of the great powers of nature, those of within which project outwards to the universe.
The undetermined flip-side of the coin of spirit
Perhaps the smartest thing I could do is to stop hoping that I would turn into what I am not, perhaps the rightest and truest thing to do is simply be who I am to the maximum possible extent. After all, we all just want to be loved as we are, but truly, without condescendence, without criticism, without pretension and without constructive improvement suggestions. Love is the only remedy.
I am sure that just like me, none of you like to feel damaged, to feel that something in them isn’t right or to that their very existence is some sort of a mistake that needs to be repaired, because deep down everyone of us knows, that one way or the other, we have no choice but to be who we really are.
